Back Again
by GlindatheGood22
Summary: In order to protect everyone she loves Lily Evans leaves behind a fiance, friends and family. But when she discovers ineffective her plan was, how will she react? Can she return to what she had before or is it too late? Lily and James.
1. Somewhere

Lily and James

At a time where I should have been having fun I remember that I had my mind so far away from friends and family that I lost the best times of my life. It wasn't until now, though, that I finally realized it. Now that I'm walking away, no running, to protect everyone I've ever loved, and even those I never much appreciated. Because of me they're all at risk. I'd have never thought that merely 5 years ago I was blissfully unaware of this war, sitting in the common room, warm and cozy, with every other blissfully unaware student. And then six months later, thrown into this hell hole.

I know that they say to never have regrets. And I know that I should live that way. But I do have regrets. I regret not stopping to observe my life back in school. I regret not fully appreciating the love and support I had while it wasn't so… deadly. I regret my birth. I regret that my parents put themselves in danger by having me. If only they hadn't somehow 'magically' lined my blood with the ability to do witch craft… I could be a normal 22, almost 23 year old, thinking about University and petty things like that.

But I'm leaving, nothing can change that. My airplane ticket in hand, my small carry on, a cup of coffee in one hand and a tissue in the other, just in case. America, some place untouched by this war. A place for a muggleborn, like me, to live safely, easily, just far enough away to be unseen but close enough to know what's going on.

My flight, flight 1184 non-stop to Chicago, Illinois, was to leave in a little over an hour. The burning coffee in my hand kept me grounded, focused on what I was doing now. I sat watching the planes pass. Muggle transportation… a good way to start my new muggle life. No reason to procrastinate. As long as I used magic they could find me. Turns out, the Death Eaters had infiltrated the Ministry of Magic so completely they could track anyone they pleased by even the slightest bit of magic they perform.

As my coffee cooled my mind wandered. Had James gotten my note? Did he find my ring? He would never approve of me running away like this. We were to stay and fight together… but that was before. He was due home from work an hour ago. My letter explained why I was leaving and apologizing for returning his great grandmother's ring. Our wedding was set for next June. I thought I wanted nothing more than to marry James but, in the end, keeping him safe was more important. Keeping everyone I know safe, knowing they would not be associated with me any further than someone that I knew once, was my first priority.

I finished my drink and rose to start the queue for my flight. I noticed that the security guards suddenly gathered together, talking amongst themselves and listening to an order over their head pieces. They looked up, scanning the line. One of their eyes flew to look and me and, without taking his eyes off me, grumbled something back into his walkie. Anxious, I gathered my things and started pushing a way up further in the line. I shoved my way into the terminal when I heard the footsteps. I tried hiding my face, or actually, my hair, as it was much more obvious. Its brilliant red color stood out in a crowd worse than an elephant in a flock of flamingos. Trying to avoid looking toward the noise I continued walking forward. But it was too late. I tried to avoid this.

"Lily!" Someone gasped, grabbing my arm from behind me. Knowing I couldn't do anything but face him, I turned around quickly. He looked like a mess. His hair was mangled from stress, he was pale but flushed from running.

"James." I tried to sound calm… hopefully it was working. "How did you get here so fast?" It really was a mystery. I hadn't told him where I was going.

"I traced your credit card." He replied seriously. He dragged me out of the terminal, flashing his security badge at the guards on the way out. Aurors all had them for easy access in muggle areas, where we often needed to be. One of the guards nodded to him and walked ahead of us. James' hand was tight around my arm as he lead us back to a closed off room. It was dark, there was only one over head light and a steel table. James closed the door behind him and then turned to me. "What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing Lily? Running away?" He urged, putting his hands underneath my chin to force me to look at him. I really, at this point, didn't have the emotional will power to stare him in the eye. I knew that I was wrong, that this was against everything I ever said, but I didn't care anymore. I wouldn't let anyone's death be my fault.

"That's exactly what I'm doing James." I replied, nudging his hands away from my face and turning away from him. He stood his ground, staring at my back.

"But why? What about your family? What about The Order or your job… your friends? What about me." His voice cracked slightly. Suddenly angry, I turned and stared him hard in the face.

"What do you mean 'what about me?' This is all about you. This is all about my family and my friends! The farther I am away from here the better and everyone knows it." I snapped at him. "While I'm still around everyone I know is in danger and no one can stop them. You know that better than anyone James! With me gone, I'll fall off their grid. Without me out there locking them up they'll stop going after me. And if I'm still out there fighting them and they can't get me the next place they're going to go is my family. Then they'll go to you. Then they'll get everyone else I care about." I finally stared him straight in the eye. He couldn't argue with that. It was all true. He just had to accept it.

"You think you're being some type of martyr then, huh? Walking away to save everyone. You're not! We're all already blacklisted. It's true, your death is what Voldemort is after, but he knows you're still alive and he'll make you suffer for being a coward and running away."

"Don't you dare call me a fucking coward James Potter." I screamed, banging my fist on the table between us. "You're going to have to accept this. I'm leaving. Not because I'm afraid for me, I don't care if I die, I already accepted long ago that I would die in this war for the things I've done." James cringed, this was something we'd argued over many times. Being the muggleborn auror most responsible for the capture of the 50 or so death eaters made me Voldemort's number one target. I had accepted it. James had not. "I'm giving you a chance. I'm giving you all a chance. In these past few weeks I've received owl after owl of death threats against me. That I can live with. But the ones that involve you… my parents… Petunia… everyone I know. I can't live with that." My eyes pleaded with his. At the last statement his eyes softened. "I love you too much." James stepped around the table and cupped both his hands around my face.

"Don't walk out on this… on us." He was playing every card he had.

"It's already too late." My eyes began to well with tears. "I love you… but there's nothing you can say now to change my mind." I brought my hands up to his face, his five o'clock shadow bristled against my hands. "You have to let me go." His hazel eyes closed suddenly and he swallowed hard. His eyes, too, started forming a pool of liquid.

"No." He whispered hoarsely. He wrapped his arms around my waist and shoulders and pulled me as close to him as possible.

"Please James." I held him too, suddenly fully aware of what I was leaving behind. "Please." I swallowed hard, fighting the eruption of tears right at my throat. "I have to go. I'm going to miss my flight." I choked. I pulled at his hands, trying to pry loose.

"Lily please." He kept strong. I could feel him breathing in the scent of my hair. "Don't. Just don't."

"I'm sorry." I pulled again at his hands. "Please let go." He pulled tighter and I stood there, waiting patiently. I stroked the back of his neck and hair until he let go a minute or two later. He stood back and looked at me.

"Are you coming back ever?" He asked.

"I don't know… probably not until the wars over." I sighed. "Moody is going to be furious." I added, trying to lighten the mood.

"What should I tell him when I come back without you?"

"You'll figure it out… you've always had a knack for lying to authority figures." I started walking towards the door.

"So… this is goodbye then." I turned to look at him again.

"I guess so. Be careful okay? Tell my mum and dad I love them. And Petunia too. And tell Sirius and Remus I'm going to miss them." My tears flew down my face now. He nodded as he took his glasses off to clean the wet lens.

"I love you Lils." Was all he said.

"I love you too." I opened the door and walked through, letting it click quietly behind me.


	2. Living in America

It had been three months since Lily had left England. She immediately found a minimum wage job at a local restaurant, to hold her over while she looked for something better and she was sharing an apartment with 2 girls from work. Since she had nearly no money, she barely had time to spend for herself. She had promised herself to keep an eye on the British news in case something were to happen… but there was literally no time.

Every job interview she had gone to was a failure. Since she went to Hogwarts, she didn't have a record of a high school or college. She couldn't use her work as an Auror as a reference because, clearly, it was something these people would have no clue about.

A few weeks after arriving in Chicago, I received an owl, thankfully it came to tap on my window very early in the morning. The ministry owled to request an official letter of resignation and their deepest sympathies and regrets of her departure. James must have told them my news for me. I wrote back briefly, explaining again, though they already knew, my purpose for leaving so suddenly. A few days later I received a letter from The Order of the Phoenix, Voldemort's resistance, asking me, as politely as possible, to return. I ignored the letter, not wanting to give them more of a reason to continue writing. Everyday I selfishly waited for a letter from someone familiar, my parents or James or even a friend from school, but I never received one.

It wasn't until the three months into living in America that things started to become tolerable. Now that I knew people, it became easier to talk. And there was even a potential love interest. Well… maybe not love, but one to provide a temporary fix to the hole I felt in my chest since James was gone. Tyler, the musician. He came in to where I worked every Tuesday and sometimes again on the weekends. His sister, Maria, was a hostess. This particular Tuesday we were having a particularly slow shift.

"So Lily." Tyler leaned in towards me. I sat across from him, already finished with that days work. "I was thinking, this weekend, Friday night actually, we should grab dinner together… maybe… go see a movie after. What do you think?" I stared at him, thinking, for a second. He looked nothing like James, that was a major plus. The fewer reminders of England and my life before the better. He had dark blonde hair, straight and well kept. His eyes were a dark brown color and he was bronze. He was tall, like James, but not as muscular. I could do this. There were barely any similarities.

"You, of all people, should know I work Friday nights." I replied, smiling at him. Tyler rolled his eyes.

"Do you ever not work? It seems the only way I get to see you is if I come here. You never leave!" I blushed and focused on her hands.

"I'm free Thursday. My day off…" I looked back up at him. Tyler grinned, showing all his perfect American teeth. He stood up to leave.

"So Thursday it is then. What time should I pick you up… and where?"

"I live in the apartment complex just down there." I pointed toward the small collection of buildings. "7 o'clock sound good?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then." We smiled at each other and he turned and walked out the door. My grin faded quickly and I sank back into her chair.

"Bloody hell." Was all I could manage. How was I going to do this? It wasn't even right, he was a rebound of sorts. Just there to fill the time where I would be thinking about my old life. But it didn't matter, I was already in too far over my head.

It was Thursday before I knew it and I had all day to myself. Feeling as if I couldn't put it off anymore, I switched the TV on to BBC, suddenly intent on the news person before her. After 30 minutes of hearing about a two legged horse and his odd feline friend, a man daring the swim the English Chanel, and a new invention to help floss teeth, they finally got to the more pressing matters. A gas explosion in London that left four dead: Jonathon Nox, Marlene McKinnon, Fabian Prewett and Gideon Prewett. I felt my jaw drop slightly when I saw the names and the remote dropped out of my hands. This couldn't be. Marlene had been one of my best friends at Hogwarts. And the Prewett brothers… they always brightened everyone's day.

My fellow Order members were dropping like flies. Three in just one day. I could only imagine the destruction the wizarding world was facing now. The rest of the news flickered by with more bizarre disappearances and deaths, none of which I knew personally. Everyone once in a while a familiar last name would come on the screen but I remained in shock from the deaths of my friends from school. I shouldn't have been surprised though, they were members of the Order. I just felt like, now that I was gone, all the danger would go away too. Voldemort's focus would be centered somewhere else. I had never dreamed the focus would be on people I knew so well. I suddenly felt that the life I was giving up to protect my family and friends was no longer stopping the death. If I had stayed, it would be no different from this. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I watched the coverage of the explosion where I knew was Diagon Alley.

Tyler drove up to my apartment a few minutes of 7. I had been keeping myself busy so I wouldn't think about the attacks and went down stairs early to meet him. Our dinner, at a cheap place downtown, was an average first date. Awkward at times. My mind was far from where it was supposed to be but I tried to pay attention. He asked about how my life was in London and why I left, I darted around the topic by saying something about family obligations and such. He was perfectly average, and I was ok with that.

He drove me back to my place after dinner. We pulled up and he walked me up to the front.

"So…" He began lamely. "We should do this again sometime."

"We should. I had fun." I lied, but it felt necessary. I needed something like this. The funny thing about having someone like James is I couldn't find anything good or big enough to fill in what I cut out when I left. And it made me desperate. Tyler, thinking the night was over, made to kiss my cheek but I turned my head just in time. Though surprised, he recovered well. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. After a second he put his hands on my waist. I kept digging and digging deeper into the kiss, I felt like the closer I was to him, the smaller the gap in my chest got. Somehow, I managed to keep our lips attached and open the door at the same time. As soon as the door closed behind us I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. I need this, I kept thinking to myself over and over again until I started believing it. He climbed the stairs until I told him to stop and we got to my room's door and I slid down and opened the door and pulled him inside. I hadn't had this in so long I had almost forgotten how it felt. Poor Tyler, though, was so shocked that I was doing all the work. I slammed the door behind him and turned back to him again and starting where we left off. I started to fumble with his shirt, too excited to bother with precision.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, pausing his hands at the hem of my shirt. I laughed, thinking about how ridiculous this was, how unlike me.

"You better take it or leave it. This opportunity might not come again." Oh, Auror training had prepared me well for witty comebacks. The whole thinking quickly thing was a major plus at times.

"I'm in if you're in." He said. I looked up at him as seductively as possible. This felt so cliché…

"I'm all in." And there was no going back.

That night I was rudely awoken by tapping at my window. I rolled over as quietly as possible so I wouldn't wake Tyler, who was rather unattractively snoring. I grabbed my robe and opened the window. A dark brown owl flew in and landed on my dresser. My heart stopped for a beat. This was James' owl. This is what I'd been waiting for. Could this have been a less convenient time? I crossed the room and untied the letter from the bird's leg. I opened the envelope and a piece of thin paper fell out along with another parchment like one. I picked them both up and walked to the bathroom for some light. The thin paper was a newspaper clipping. I frowned when I saw the faces of Marlene and the Prewett brothers grinning up at me. The article confirmed their deaths as work of the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. I unfolded James' note and read:

Lily,

I don't know how up to date you are in Illinois or wherever you are. I thought you should know about this one in particular. And I thought I would also tell you that, despite what you think, your plan isn't working. This should be evidence enough. We need you. I need you. Come back.

I love you,

James

I suddenly felt dirty. I could feel the sobs coming, my whole body tensed. I ran to the shower and turned it on full blast and jumped in. I sat down on the floor and let it all out as the water splashed on my head. I couldn't go back now and face them. I was wrong and I knew it.


	3. I Know You Don't Know

It had been eight months since I had last heard from James. I now avoided the news as much as possible, not wanting to see what I had run away from anymore. Tyler and I had been together ever since that first night. I even moved in with him, the too small apartment I shared with the other girls was too trying and, after four months, Tyler thought it was time. A year had gone by in Chicago and I felt that I was never going back to London. And if I couldn't be with James, Tyler would have to do. It hardly seemed fair to him, but that was how it was going to be. I was still working at the restaurant. I had had numerous interviews but no one wanted to hire a girl like me, with no real education or job experience.

I had called my parents after a couple of months, letting them know I was ok and giving them some contact information should anything happen. My mum told me that James visited every so often for tea and that they simply adored him. I didn't tell them about Tyler, I couldn't. I guess it was because I didn't want them to find out, especially James. I was still his, Tyler was just filling the hole.

Everything went one to an extremely monotone beat. Nothing special happened. Every day came and went. But today, everything changed.

I was in the middle of my shift when I got the call. When I got home I found it on my answering machine. It was James. My parents had been attacked and tortured for my address. They were in St. Mungo's for treatment of magical illness. He said they didn't know if they found my contact information but regardless, my parents were dying. That was all I needed to hear. I packed an overnight bag and sat motionless on the couch until Tyler came home. At 5:45 he finally made it. As soon as he opened the door I delivered the news.

"My parents are in the hospital. They were in an accident and the doctors don't think they're going to make it." I said in one breath. "I'm flying to London on the first available flight tomorrow morning." Tyler sat down next to me and grabbed my hand, looking me in the eye.

"I'll go with you." I looked at him with shock and tried to protest but he spoke before I could. "Lily, I know you don't think it's a good idea but we're living together now! Who knows what's going to become of this relationship. I've always wanted to meet your parents but even if I don't get to, I want to be here for you."

"Tyler, I left for a reason. I don't want to go back, and there's an even bigger reason as to why I never talk about it."

"I know, you had family obligations in the states. But that's over now. And whatever it is that you ran away from there, it's over now. Everyone's probably already forgotten. And I don't care what you did or what you were into while you lived there that was so terrible. I want to go with you." So, in order to preserve our relationship after I get back from this, I agreed he could come. He couldn't go to St. Mungo's, so hiding him from James was no trouble. I needed this closure with my parents. I needed to sit next to them and tell them how sorry I was for leaving them behind without a single word. It was only right.

I didn't call to tell James I was coming, I was going to avoid him as much as possible. Tyler and I drove to the airport and boarded the earliest flight to London, which was luckily only a couple hours after we got there. The flight was impossible. Tyler kept trying to ask questions about what happened to make me leave. I could barely handle it without screaming. It most certainly wasn't the right time. We landed in London in the middle of the night and we flagged down a taxi. I was at my home in less that 45 minutes. The spare key was where it had always been so we let ourselves in. It was empty. Petunia had moved out years ago, my parents were in the hospital. I told Tyler to get some sleep and I would be at the hospital. I found my parents old sedan and drove it as close to the outside of the hospital as I could. I stood outside the abandoned store, thinking about how dumb I must look to passerbys, but it was the middle of the night, no one was around. I grasped my wand, it felt weird, I hadn't used it in over a year, and stepped up to the dummy at the window and let myself in.

At 4 in the morning it wasn't particularly busy inside. A couple of patients were waiting, filling out paper work. I stepped up to the front counter and told the receptionist who I was looking for. She directed me to the 4th floor, the spell damage floor. I held my breath as I got on the elevator. I was too scared the breath. I felt like I held that same breath all the way to my parent's room. The on call nurse quickly allowed me entry, explaining that they had been tortured with the Cruciatus Curse as well as other painful spells. She said that it didn't look good but she had seen people come out of worse before. I opened the door and let myself in, closing the door behind me.

"I thought you'd come here." A voice said in the corner. It was dark but I knew better than to guess who it was.

"James. What are you doing here? It's 4:30 in the morning." I stayed my ground, petrified.

"I was somewhere between waiting for you and keeping an eye on your parents." He stood up. He looked like hell. He looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks, there were bags under his eyes. He was even more pale than before and his hair looked completely unmanageable.

"When was the last time you slept?" I asked him.

"I honestly can't remember. I've had a few naps here and there though." He ruffled his hair. "What made you decide to come back?"

"They're my parents. Is that not reason enough?" I got defensive, I couldn't help it.

"I wasn't sure if it would be. I have no idea how you've been thinking this past year."

"Not now James. Please. I want to be with my parents." I sighed. I wasn't prepared to speak to him so soon.

"I'll go get you some coffee. Did you just fly in?" I nodded. He left without another word and I pulled a chair up next to my mother. The potions given to her kept her from having all the tubes she would normally have at a muggle hospital. Her fingers were a weird color, a purplish red, a side effect of the potion I guess. I could see where the cuts and gashes were on her arms and legs. They were mostly healed but I guessed the majority of the damage was mental, not physical. I grabbed her hand and lay my forehead on it.

"I'm so sorry… if I'd have known that my going away wouldn't have affected _anything_ I'd have never have gone." I whispered hoarsely. I kissed her on the cheek and moved over to my father. Afraid I was damage something if moved him too much, I moved some misplaced hair out of his closed eyes. "I love you daddy." My eyes started the well up with tears so I moved to the couch on the opposite side of the room. I brought my knees up the my chest and let the tears fall quietly as I watched my parents sleep.

James came back a few minutes later. He handed me a cup of coffee and sat down next to me.

"What can I do?" I asked him, wiping the tears out from under my eyes. James sat, staring forward.

"Nothing. We just have to wait." I felt myself starting to go hysterical.

"Well then what could I have done?! How could I have stopped this? Even if I was here all this time… it still would have happened!" I burst out hysterically.

"Lily, there was nothing anyone could do. This isn't your fault." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled onto his lap. He took the coffee out of my hand and put it on the side table. "You need rest. When was the last time _you_ slept?"

"3 nights ago. I couldn't sleep until I got here. And when I got here I couldn't sleep until I saw them. And now that I see them I can't sleep until they wake up." I sniffled into his shoulder.

"I know… I know…" He tried comforting me, rubbing my back, whispering things in my ear, and just holding me. After a while it worked and I fell asleep.

I woke up some hours later in a completely different place. I was in a bed, that was for sure, and someone had their arms around me. I jumped up, not remembering how I got there. Then it all came back to me. This is James' house. Our room. The red walls and gold lining said it all. The fluffy gold comforter, nothing had changed. James sat up, confused at my sudden movements.

"What's wrong?" He asked, rubbing his eyes. I stumbled for words for a second.

"I just… wasn't expecting to be here." I looked around, taking it all in again. Nothing had changed, not the furniture or the decorations. I looked at my watch, it was almost noon. Tyler would be wondering where I was. "I have to go." I looked around for my bag and my keys before realizing that James couldn't have brought my car here. "Can I use your fireplace? I have to get my car."

"I can apparate you to your parents house, it's no problem." He offered, getting out of bed.

"No!… I mean… I need to be able to get back to the hospital. I'll have to have my car." Once again, I was stumbling for my words. He couldn't find out about Tyler. I didn't know if I was even going to tell him. James looked at me oddly for a second.

"Fine then. Go ahead. The powder is… well, you know where it is so never mind." I started to walk out the door but I stopped. James must be so confused.

"Thank you… for bringing me back here. I needed the sleep." We needed to talk, and the sooner the better. "I'll be at the hospital by 4. We should talk." He nodded and I left. I took the floo network back to the hospital and drove home. I had no idea how to explain to Tyler what was happening or why he wouldn't be able to visit my parents without exposing anything. I already knew he had questions.

Thankfully, when I arrived home he was still passed out on my bed upstairs. I busied myself by making sure their was no evidence of my wizarding life anywhere in my room. I pulled my wand out of my purse, it was weird holding it again. I wondered how dangerous it would be to try doing magic again. On one hand, they probably already knew where I was. They had guessed that, after attacking my parents, I would come back immediately. On the other… well, there really was no other hand. It was still dangerous, but was I willing to risk it? Tucking it back into my purse, I decided I would only use it in a real emergency.

At around 2 that afternoon Tyler woke up. Drowsy, he came and sat next to me on my couch in the living room.

"When did you get in?" He asked, putting his arm around me. "I didn't hear you."

"A couple of hours ago. I fell asleep at the hospital." I stretched out onto his lap, still watching the TV. We sat there together quietly for a couple of minutes, he rubbed my back affectionately and I continued staring at the TV screen. I was thinking about what was going to happen now. Was I going to go back to Chicago? If my parents came out of this I would want to spend more time with them. If they didn't… I hadn't even thought about that yet. It was almost 3 when I looked at my watch next. I sat up and started getting ready to go. "I'm going to go to the hospital. I'll be back later tonight." I said, grabbing my jacket. Tyler stood up, I knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"Wait, am I not going? Why not?" Shit… shit shit shit shit.

"They aren't in good shape… and I barely got access to their room. It would just be better if I went alone, you know, to avoid all the confusion."

"What confusion?" I felt cornered. There was no confusion. How was I supposed to tell him that people like him weren't allowed in the hospital? Life would be so much easier with magic… Which gave me an idea. This was an emergency.

"Ummm… well, whatever. I'll see what I can do. Could you go grab my coat from the closet?" I asked, picking up my purse and digging around for my wand. He looked at me strangely.

"But you're already wearing one…"

"Yes, but I want the other one." Bloody hell… he's not going to get up. He sighed loudly and went to the closet door. Right when he opened it I pulled my wand out. The top shelf of the closet suddenly emptied itself on his head.

"CHRIST!!!!" He yelled out.

"Are you alright!" I yelled from the other room, trying to sound worried. I ran in, he was on the ground clutching his head. It was bleeding. Perfect.

"Yea. I'm fine. Where do you keep your bandaids?" There was a little cut right above his eye. I handed him a wash rag and went to get a cold compress from the freezer.

"There's no way you can get into my parents wing looking like that. Perhaps you should just wait here. I'll be back shortly. Just go lay down on the couch. I'll make you some tea." Bloody brilliant. No wonder I was Head Girl. I finished making his tea and gave it to him and ran out the door.

The hospital was much busier now, in the middle of the day. I climbed on the elevator, only a few people were there with me. Most got off on the 2nd floor. When we got to the 4th floor I was the only left. I straightened my shirt, nervous that James would probably be there. I was going to have to tell him about Tyler and the past year of my life. The door opened and a man in a dark robe was standing right at the door. I jumped in surprise. He looked me straight in the eye and smirked. He was greasy and unshaven. He stepped to the side of the door and held the elevator open for me. I nodded at him and kept walking until I heard him speak.

"Have a good day Miss Evans." I spun around, suddenly frightened. The door closed shut, he was looking straight at me. I stared at the door for a second. I was horrified. This man, who certainly didn't look good, he knew my name. My brain started working at an amazing speed, everything around me seemed to slow down. The pieces started coming together. That man, he looked up to no good. He knew my name, his smirk as soon as he saw me was like he knew something I didn't. What was he here for? How did he know me? I turned quickly and broke into a quick walk towards my parents room. A Healer's wand suddenly sent sparks right at my parents room and she ran into the room followed by a team of nurses. The man was a Death Eater… here to finish the job. I sprinted the rest of the way and barreled through the door. All of the healers and nurses were standing over my parents, emptying vials of potions and shouting at each other.

"What happened?!" I screamed over the noise. One of the healers ordered a nurse to get me out. I fought against them as they tried to shove me out. My parents had no extrinsic signs of damage. They looked just as they had last night.

They eventually managed to push me through the door and closed it in my face. I was hysterical, pounding on the door, when another nurse offered me a calming draught. I refused at first, continuing to get into the room. Another Healer came over and placed a charm on me. I was suddenly very drowsy. I leaned on the door and slid to the floor and fell asleep.

I woke up to a nurse calling my name. She looked pained. And my head hurt. I sat up, clutching my head.

"Miss Evans, are you feeling well?" She asked, checking my forehead.

"I'm fine. How are my parents?" The nurse frowned again. I knew then it was over. She sat down next to me and took my hand.

"Some type of dark magic was place on them, a kind we've never seen before. There was nothing we could do. Our potions and spells were ultimately useless." I closed my eyes tightly, willing myself to be anywhere but there or be hearing anything but what I was hearing. Then I remembered the man.

"I saw a man get on the elevator. He knew my name but I didn't know him… was he in my parents room?" I asked, looking the woman in the eye. She looked confused.

"We saw no person enter your parents room today." It all made no sense.

"But he knew my name. He smirked at me. It must have been him. He must have been a Death Eater!"

"Ma'am, no one entered their room today." She noticed that didn't help the situation at all. "But we will check the security charms just in case." I breathed in deeply, trying not to have another break down. I stood up, I had to keep busy.

"I have to tell my sister."

"You can use to the floo downstairs."

"My sister isn't a witch. I'll have to tell her in person." It was like the nurse had a sudden revelation. It made sense, I was muggleborn and Voldemort was going after my family.

"I am so sorry Miss Evans." I wiped a tear out from under my eye.

"There's nothing you could have done." And with that I walked off.

I somehow managed to make it home without having to pull over. As soon as I stepped in the house I went to the phone. I couldn't delay this. If I talked to Tyler it would be hours before I was calm enough to speak to her.

I dialed Petunia's number and waited. Tyler came up, asking me what happened. I put my hand up to silence him. She answered finally.

"Petunia. It's me." She was surprised to be hearing from me.

"What are you calling for?" She asked shortly. I held my breath for a second.

"Somethings happened. Mom and Dad… they were in the hospital last night, I just flew in this morning. They're dead." And the yelling began. I hardly managed any words between her screeching. She blamed me for their deaths… but so did I so it wasn't anything new. I told her to come by the house to arrange what needed to be done as soon as possible. She barely agreed and hung up. As soon as I put the phone down I was engulfed.

"I am so so sorry Lily." Tyler said in my ear, hugging me as tightly as possible and the flood gates finally broke. I pulled him as tightly to me as possible, crying for all I was worth, blubbering about how it was my fault. He moved us to my couch and held me while I let it all out. It wasn't until nearly 5 when I stopped.

Ten minutes to five I heard a popping noise outside my door followed by someone jiggling the door knob. I jumped about four feet in the air, thinking a Death Eater was out to get me. I leapt off the couch and dove for my purse, grabbing my wand inside, not caring that Tyler was looking at me like I'd gone insane. The intruder barged through the door.

"Lily!" The voice called. I relaxed a little, it was James. He rounded the corner and caught sight of me standing there, my wand pointing at his chest, my face red and splotchy from crying, looking completely scared out of my mind. His face was a mixture of pain, urgency and relief. He crossed the room quickly, not even noticing Tyler standing next to the couch. "Lily. I don't know the best way to tell you this… I know about that man that you saw… the one that spoke to you. One of the Healers informed me. I went back to check the charms, they had all been broken… and the security alert spell was modified to only sound the alarm when visible people went through. Someone was there… and I'll find them." He said in a breath, pulling me into a tight embrace, his back facing Tyler. "_We'll_ find them, they won't get away with this." He repeated, kissing the top of my head. "What can I do now?" He asked, pulling away and holding me at arms length, staring straight into my eyes. Tyler cleared his throat behind him and James wheeled around. "Who are you?" He asked, he looked extremely confused. Tyler looked appalled.

"Who the hell are you?! You're the one barging in here without notice!" He motioned to the still open door. "And what was all that shit about spells and charms?" James jerked back around to look at me. I was staring at the floor. James wasn't dumb, he would figure this out in only a matter or seconds.

"Lily… is this… you don't mean to tell me that you've already got a…" I looked up at him, my eyes filled with guilt and shame and sorrow. He read it quickly. He was suddenly frowning greatly. "You can't be serious… it's only been a year." James said quietly.

"James, I am so sorry." My voice cracked. "You weren't supposed to find out like this." I looked straight into his eyes, mine tearing up again.

"Lily, what's going on?" Tyler said, walking over to us. I somehow regained my composure.

"James, this is Tyler Maloney, He's my… boyfriend." I managed with extreme unease. James still hadn't taken his eyes off of me. I felt the size of a thumbtack under his intense stare.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, completely ignoring Tyler. "Last night… this morning."

"Wait, what do you mean this morning?" Tyler asked, trying to break our eye contact. I closed my eyes and thought for a moment.

"I was going to tell you today. I figured you should know."

"Damn right I should know! A boyfriend? And a muggle too?" James nearly yelled, grabbing my shoulders and shaking them slightly. Tyler stepped in between us and shoved James back.

"Get the hell off of her!" Which only resulted in James pushing back. And then Tyler pushing back again. And then an almost brawl.

"STOP!!! RIGHT NOW!" I screamed as loudly as I could. They both looked at me, surprised by my outburst. "James, I think you should leave." He started to protest. "Shut up!" He quickly shut his mouth. "I need to talk to Tyler about some things… if you don't mind. You kind of blew my cover."

"Lily, we can just obliviate him. He won't remember a thing." James suggested.

"You know I can't do that." I said, speaking over Tyler commenting on what obliviate was. James looked at me defeated.

"Fine." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "If that's how you want it to be… the ministry expresses many condolences for your loss. Currently, there is a team of Aurors investigating your parents murder."

"James I know the script already. You don't have to repeat it." I could feel a fresh wave of tears coming on.

"There should be an Auror along in the next couple of hours to ask you some questions and fill out paper work. Again, we express great sympathy for your loss." James said, without much emotion in his voice, but his eyes said it all. Not only was this upsetting, finding out I had 'moved on' but he was close to my parents as well. He would no doubt be effected by both events.

James turned around and left without another word. It was just Tyler and me in the house now… joy. Before Tyler could say anything I spoke up.

"I'm going to make some tea and then we can talk. You'll probably want to be relaxed when I tell you everything." And I left for the kitchen. It only took me a couple of minutes to finish making the tea. I poured us both a cup and we sat down at the table. Tyler waited for me to begin.

"Before I say anything about the words that he used, I have to tell you that there is a completely different word, especially here in England, that cannot be exposed. I need you to promise me now, before I say anything. If this gets out… we don't know what could happen." Tyler looked frightened for a moment but nodded for me to continue.

"When I was 11 I got a piece of mail asking me to join a school. It was called 'Hogwarts.' Its for people with… certain gifts. They are mostly hereditary but I was somehow born with it without any relatives having this power. The man here earlier, James, we went to school together. You see… Hogwarts' full name is 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.'"

"You can't be serious… you're talking about one of those clubs or something… like the Star Trek people." He asked, thinking this was all something we had made up in our minds. I shook my head.

"No. We aren't that public… in fact, we aren't public at all. If someone like you, who isn't magical, finds out about us we erase their memory… at least enough of it so they don't remember seeing the magic. My parents, they weren't in a regular hospital. They were at St. Mungos Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. They were attacked, and killed I guess this morning, with magic." I sighed, putting my hands over my eyes. I couldn't imagine not knowing about magic now that I've been living with it since I was 11. I remember vaguely, though, how hard it was to wrap my mind around it. I didn't know the best way to make him understand without using my wand. "You see, there's a civil war going on in the magical world. A man, a dark wizard, named Lord Voldemort, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, is killing off people like me, muggleborns, and muggles, being people like you and my parents. And, before I left here, I was something like a police officer, an Auror, like James is. We captured the men and women who were targeting the muggleborns. I led my department and I sent away some 50 of his followers. I was on the top of their list because, 1. I was muggleborn. 2. I was the Head Girl, or one of the two students leaders, at Hogwarts. And 3. I was putting away Death Eaters, Voldemort's followers, almost as fast as they could recruit. At the time, I, as well as my friends and family, were under a constant threat because of my position at the Ministry of Magic and my heritage. I wanted to protect everyone I loved, so I left and came to Chicago, where I met you." I grabbed his hand, he looked like he was going into some information overload. "What are you thinking?" I asked, afraid he was going to leave and tell the world. "I know it's difficult to understand…"

"This is why you never talked about your history?" He asked.

"Yes. You were never supposed to find out." I told him honestly. He was silent for a moment.

"Who was that guy earlier, James you said, right?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask this. Damn.

"Yes, James Potter, like I said, we went to school together and we were both Aurors. He was the Head Boy when I was Head Girl. We had the same group of friends, were in the same house and grade." I said, dancing around telling him we were engaged up until I left.

"You must have been great friends then." Tyler looked at me suspiciously. I sighed, he knew.

"We were… together since our last year at school, or since I was 17. We were to be married six months after I left for America." I figured if I told him about me being a witch and he hasn't already left then he could handle one more thing. Apparently he couldn't. He stood up and banged the table, making his tea cup fall onto the floor and shatter.

"Damn it Lily! How could you not have told me? We live together for Christ's sake!"

"I wanted to leave it all behind. I had never planned on going back." I said as I pulled out my wand. I flicked my wrist and the tea cup pieces zoomed across the floor and put themselves together again. Tyler jumped about a foot in the air.

"Holy Shit Lily! What was that?" He asked, pointing to the cup.

"A charm… it fixes broken things." I said simply, picking up the tea dishes and placing them in the sink. I was trying to stay calm. It wasn't working too well. "I haven't been using magic the past year because the people trying to kill me can track me with my wand. But I guess it's too late now. They know I'm here and they've already killed my parents."

"So… where does that leave us now?" He asked, sitting back down.

"I don't know. What do you want?" I asked, I couldn't make him stay here, that was obvious enough, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted him to. Given the choice between going back to James or staying with Tyler… I would choose James before you could say Gryffindor. Thankfully, Tyler never got to answer, there was a knock a the door. Lily walked to the door, Tyler tried to stop her.

"What if they're those bad people! You said they're after you." He looked frightened, eyes wide and his skin pale.

"They wouldn't have knocked." I said simply. I opened the door, it was Sirius.

"Hey Red… How are you doing?" He asked, giving me a hug. He looked much the same as when I left. Long, perfectly coifed hair, charming smile, bright, happy eyes. Sirius was… Sirius. I didn't know if it _was_ possible to change him.

"I'm ok Sirius. As ok as I can be I guess." I replied, blinking away a fresh wave a tears. Tyler appeared behind me and Sirius frowned.

"So you're the new boyfriend?" Sirius asked, making to shake his hand. They exchanged pleasantries.

"James already told you?" I asked him, somewhere between furious and worried. Sirius pulled me into the living room and spoke to me as quietly as he could.

"He came by my place as soon as he left here." He sighed and flipped his hair out of his eyes. "You should have told him Lils. You could have sent him an owl or something… he thought you were back, for good."

"I might be back… I don't know yet. I could hardly make it back in America. The whole time I was there the only thing I wanted was to be back here… and now that I am I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be despite all of this." I told him. Tyler, standing at a bit of a distance, hearing everything we said, spoke up.

"Lily you can't possibly just up and move back here. What about everything back home?" He asked urgently. I started to feel faint. Really, this was all too much for me right now. I had only had a couple hours of sleep, my parents were gone… everything was just suddenly overwhelming.

"I can't do this right now." I started feeling clammy. "I'm sorry but I just can't. Sirius, I wish I had something to tell you… but I don't. I just need to take this one step at a time." I sat down on the couch, put my elbows on my knees and put my fingers in my hair, pulling at the roots slightly. "I need some time." Sirius sighed.

"Understandable." He mumbled. "Anyway, I forgot to mention, I'm part of the Auror team working on your parents case. I have your paperwork. Write down a report… about the man you saw and what ever else you think is helpful. Just drop it off at my house when you're finished." He sat down next to me. "It's all going to turn out the way it's supposed to in the end. Promise me that you won't go anywhere, not now at least." He put his hand under my chin and pulled it up so I had to look at him. I smiled sadly at him.

"I promise." Tyler decided to speak up now, for Merlin knows what reason.

"I think it's time Lily got some sleep. It's been a long day." I could see the annoyance in Sirius' face. He was most likely thinking something along the lines of '_who are you? Her caretaker?' _He opted out of an argument, probably agreeing slightly with his statement.

"Well Lilykins… I guess I need to go." He stood up and went to pull his wand out of his pocket. He then remembered there was a muggle in the room and looked at me like_ how am I supposed to get out of here. _

"_He knows." I said simply. "James started coming in here rambling about charms and such…" Sirius smiled._

"_Sounds like him, not paying attention…" He chuckled to himself. "I guess I'll be seeing you soon then." I smiled and said good bye and he apparated out of the middle of my living room._

"_Christ!" Tyler jumped up. "Where did he go?!" I rolled my eyes._

"_Home. We can… transport." I said, trying to make it sound as simple as possible. I began climbing the stairs to my room when I turned back to Tyler._

"_You need to think about this Tyler. I may not be going back." He stared at me with an emotion in his eyes I couldn't quite describe. It was something mixed between confusion, doubt, loss… and other things. I didn't know how to tell him that if I stayed here he wouldn't be staying with me. But for right now I needed time to myself, time to mourn my parents without someone watching me over my shoulder. I climbed the rest of the stair case and went down the short hall to my room. I lay on the bed and let out silent tears over my parents. It was never supposed to end this way._


	4. Someone is Waiting

Scarred: Aw! How can you hate Tyler? He's a victim here. And you're right, he is innocent. He's just trying to look after his girlfriend. J But yes, it is understandable that you would hate him. He's keeping Lily and James apart because, you know right now, if he wasn't here Lily would be at James' place. And they would probably had had a big row that ended in make up sex and everything would be back to 'normal.'

Chapter 4

I woke up and it was dark outside, there was no sign of light anywhere. I rolled over, groaning. My body ached, probably from the crying, and my head felt like someone threw an axe right in the middle of my forehead. I pulled the covers closer and balled up as tightly as possible. I just wanted to go back to sleep… but I was most definitely awake. I sighed loudly and pulled the covers off myself and flinging my legs over the side of the bed. I ran my hands through my hair, my greasy disgusting hair… it had been a while since I had showered. I walked to the bathroom and turned the water on full blast and very hot. I stepped in, the unusually hot water felt good on my bunched up muscles. I finished with my shower about half an hour later, taking way more time than necessary, before heading downstairs for some food. I flipped on a light and started making some tea and toast. Very English, I thought, Tyler would probably want something more American, maybe bacon and eggs. I looked at the clock above my sink, it was only 4:30 in the morning, he wasn't likely to be up any time soon.

I set my plate down on the breakfast table in the kitchen and nibbled away at my toast, thinking about what needed to be done. First, I had to do the paperwork Sirius left me the day before. I sighed and stood up to go into the living room. I picked up the manila envelope and brought it back to the kitchen. I started flipping through the sheets as I sat down. There was a write up on what I saw at the hospital, with the man at the elevator. I grabbed a pen from a drawer in the kitchen and got to work, being as detailed as possible. There was no time for delay here, if I wasted any more time I would forget something. I wrote about two pages and read over it. Once I was certain there was nothing more I could add that would be any help, I moved onto the next sheet. I sighed, again, realizing that there was nothing more I could do without Petunia there. I couldn't call her, it was much too early, so I went back to my living room and turned on the TV, not that I wanted to watch, I just needed something to fill the time.

Surprisingly, Petunia showed up at 9 o'clock. She hardly spoke a word to me. She demanded to organize the funeral as a last bit of 'decency' she knew I couldn't offer. Since their deaths were my fault, it was only right that Petunia organize everything. But I had no doubt that whatever Petunia came up with would beautiful and worthy of my parents. We spoke briefly over my parents Will, Petunia would go to the lawyer that day and request it. I finally decided to speak up a while later, right when Petunia was about to leave.

"Petunia, I know… I know that you don't want to speak to me right now." She scoffed and grabbed her coat. "But I want, I need you to know that I tried all I could to protect them. I left thinking no one would bother them if I was out of the picture. If I'd have known they were still in danger I would never have moved away and I'm sorry I did." My eyes started to blur up again. "I tried, Pet, I tried my hardest." She looked at me, seemingly offended by my comment. I was surprised to find that she hardly showed any emotion with the whole visit. I heard a noise to my left and saw Tyler enter, cautiously, he must of heard our voices. He stood next to me and held my hand. Petunia, once again, put on her best offended face.

"Who is this?" She glared right at him. "And why is he here?" I looked at Tyler, who looked surprised by my sister's hostility.

"This is Tyler, my… boyfriend. We live together back in Chicago." Petunia pursed her lips and I continued. "He wanted to be here for me with… with mom and dad."

"Is he a freak like you and the rest of your friends?" She asked, still glaring. Tyler's eyebrows rose up in surprise again. I shook my head no. "Good." She said shortly. "You've finally done something right." She walked to the door stiffly and opened it. Right before she closed it behind her she paused and her shoulders tensed up. She turned around and stared at the straight in the face, her eyes piercing through mine and said simply, with no emotion. "You should have tried harder." And she slammed the door.

I let out the giant breath I was holding and ran my fingers through my hair.

"So that's your sister Petunia. Lovely." Tyler said sarcastically. He bunched up his face and turned to Lily. "How did you live with that?" He asked, I shrugged and walked back to the kitchen. I gathered up the paperwork and made a list of places I needed to go that day. Sirius', the hospital and I knew I had to go talk to James, no matter how badly I wanted to just ignore the situation all together. Tyler walked up behind me. "You Ok?" He asked, wrapping his hands around my waist from behind. He put his head on my shoulder and nuzzled my neck. I pulled in a deep breath, tilted my head back onto his shoulder and placed my hands on top of his, locking them together.

"I might be someday." I closed my eyes and brought my hands up around his neck. "Thank you. For being here, I know you didn't have to be."

"I wanted to be." He said firmly, pulling me closer to him. I twisted around so I was facing him and let him hold me. We were silent for a minute or so.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, pulling away from him to look at his face. He looked down on me and then pulled be back against him. I could hear his heart beating slightly faster than normal.

"Lets not make any decisions yet. We have time to sort everything out and, right now, you have other things to worry about. I don't want to add to the pile." He said. He was truly wonderful. No other person, save maybe James, would ever be this calm and understanding. Especially facing what he was facing now, having just found out about my messy past and such. I nodded into his chest and sighed as deeply as I could.

"I have to go take these papers to Sirius." I said, pulling away from him and gathering up the file on the table. Tyler huffed, I could tell he was getting tired of sitting in the house doing nothing. "You can come with me… if you want. It's not going to be fun or anything, naturally" Of course, that was what Tyler was looking for, he accepted almost immediately before asking if we could do that teleporting thing, or apparating. I hadn't done it in a year now and the chances of me splinching either myself or him… and it wasn't all that far from my place. I quickly made up an excuse about magical laws forbidding us to do that type of magic in a non emergency and what not.

So twenty minutes later we left in my family's car to Sirius' flat ten minutes away. When we got there, it took him a few minutes to realize we were ringing him. He only had magical friends and so they never used the doorbell. He came running down the stairs like a lunatic.

"Lilyflower! It has been far too long!" Sirius cried as he opened the door for us and beckoned us inside. He noticed Tyler and nodded at him with a forced smile. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks." And that was it for them.

We climbed a couple flights of stairs and reached Sirius' flat, I noticed, like James', nothing much had changed in the past couple years. I wasn't surprised at all, they're boys, they don't decorate. It's just absurd. Sirius walked straight to his pantry and grabbed a couple bottles of butterbeer. I nearly squealed with excitement. "Butterbeer! I've almost forgotten what it tastes like!" I grabbed it from him as soon as he got close enough. I tossed one to Tyler and we sat down at his kitchen table.

"Petunia and I finished all of these this morning…" Sirius took the papers and flipped through them.

"I'll get these to the Ministry and the Hospital for you." Sirius set them back down, folded his hands in front of him and looked straight at me with all seriousness. "Lily. Tell me what you've been doing for the past twelve months." I laughed at his mock seriousness.

"Nothing much… when I left I got a place in Chicago-"

"Where the hell is that?" Sirius interrupted.

"It's in Illinois…" His face was still blank. "Near all those big lakes in America." Finally something. "I got a job at a restaurant, I couldn't find a real job, cause, you know, Hogwarts wasn't a real school and all." I smiled and Sirius laughed. "That's where I met Tyler, his sister worked with me… and that's really about it." I half grinned at Tyler. It was more awkward than I thought it would be, sitting here with James' best friend. I know that Sirius will always be like a brother to me, one of my best friends, but James always comes first to him and so he already despises Tyler. I saw him look Tyler up and down quickly before turning his attention back to me. Tyler shifted uncomfortably in his seat and grabbed my hand on top of the table. I blushed and looked down at our hands. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I glanced back up at Sirius. He was looking at me expectantly but it wasn't hard to miss the hint of anger written all over his face. I was practically cheating on him, right in front of his best friend. "But I'm glad I'm back." I added quickly, taking my hands away from Tyler's and placing them in my lap. "Well, not under the circumstances of course. I just didn't know how much of me I left here when I ran away." Sirius' eyebrows flew up into his shaggy black bangs.

"So you're staying here then? For good?" He asked. I almost said yes but I suddenly remembered who was sitting next to me and corrected myself.

"Nothing is set in stone yet. I'm waiting for a better time. Right now I have other things to focus on."

"Of course." Sirius looked down trodden again. "Is there anything that you need? A good shoulder to cry on, perhaps?" Tyler laughed, thinking he was joking.

"She's got a perfectly good one here." He chuckled. Sirius raised an eye brow at him.

"I was thinking someone that knows her and knew her parents." Sirius said, very (excuse the pun) seriously. I could sworn I heard a cricket. I waited a moment before standing up quickly, almost knocking my chair over. The two boys stood with me.

"Well, we best be going… I have to go call Petunia again about some… plans." I lied through my teeth. I made my way to the door, Sirius stepped in front of me.

"Have you talked to James yet?" He asked, opening the door. I looked at him, shocked. I shook my head.

"No. I haven't." I grabbed Tyler's hand and pulled him through the door. "It was lovely seeing you again Sirius… give the best to Remus. And Peter!"

"Lily… don't procrastinate. If you choose one time in your life to put off something, don't pick this. He deserves to know what's happening." I spun around, dropping Tyler's hand and marching up to Sirius.

"Do you really think that I don't know that Sirius? Really?" I stood about a foot shorter than him and I knew that my face had to be as red as my hair, but he looked surprised at my sudden aggression. "I'm going to go talk to him. But not right now. It's hardly been two days since I've been back and look what's happened since then. Some things are FAR more important than my current relationship status with James Potter." I exhaled and felt some of the tension leave my body. I took a deep breath again. "Cut me a little slack here Siri. There hasn't been time for reintroductions. And I promise, as soon as I know something, you'll know." Sirius' expression changed quickly, he ran his hand through his hair and leaned against the door frame.

"Of course, I shouldn't have bothered you with it… but, you know how he is Lily." I looked at Tyler, he looked, in a word, uncomfortable. I looked back to Sirius.

"I know." I tried smiling at him but I'm sure it didn't look convincing. "I have to be going… Petunia, she won't wait for me long." I gave him a quick hug and grabbed Tyler's hand as we took the trip back down the stairs. We got in the car and the questions exploded out of Tyler. I could tell he was pissed he wasn't completely filled in. The questions came so fast I didn't even have time to answer them correctly.

"What the hell is all of this? It's been a year Lily! Why are they still hung up on you? I don't understand why they're throwing things way out of proportion." Tyler said, turning sideways in the car to stare at me. I brought my fingers up to my temple and pushed hard against them. I couldn't think of a way to explain the life I had here… it was completely opposite of life in America. I guess that was a good start…

"Tyler, the way that I lived here is completely different than back in Chicago. I had a career. I had a group of friends I had known and lived with since I was 11 years old. People in the wizarding world don't just up and move away. Everyone knows each other, practically all of us went to the same school. What I did just isn't done. And, to them, I was crazy for leaving. I was at the top of my department in my job, I had a fiancé, a house, my parents, a large group of friends… a cat. My leaving was a complete surprise." Tyler was silent for a moment.

"Well, what about this James guy? Did he think you would still be together after a whole year?" I sighed. I really had no idea what James was thinking.

"When I left, I left him a letter and my ring. I told him I was leaving and I didn't know if I would be coming back. I thought he would listen to me when I said for him to move on." I paused. "He tried to contact me a couple times… when some friends of ours died a couple of months ago. I never wrote back but me and James… James and I, we were always different from everyone else." I could feel my voice softening as I talked of my relationship with James. "He was always… very loyal. He always fancied me, or at least he said he did, ever since we started school. Whenever I was bothered at school, for my heritage, he would stick up for me. I didn't appreciate it at all until my last year, when we started dating. And we've been together ever since." I was starting to feel emotional again. My head started feeling congested. I could feel Tyler's eyes on me and I continued to drive. "We were never the type of couple that only stayed together because we couldn't find anything better… it was completely about love. Every second of it. There was never any fighting. We understood each other perfectly." Tyler looked shocked, he completely underestimated my past. All he saw was a girl who couldn't get a job with no family and no friends. "I know you don't see me has having a life here… but I do." I pulled up in front of my house. I took him up to my old room and I sat down in front of my old trunk from Hogwarts. I had all my magical possessions, including pictures. I motioned for him to sit with me, he did. He hadn't spoken much since my speech in the car. I opened the trunk and pulled out all my robes and set them aside. I pulled out all of my books and let him flip through them. "These were all my school book… obviously. There was Transfiguration, Charms, Potions… History of Magic. We went to school from 11 to 17, it was a boarding school inside a castle in the middle of nowhere." I paused, letting him take in all the things we could do. I shuffled through the trunk and took out some of the supplies. I pulled out my wand and returned them to their actual size.

"Do all of… the people like you have wands?" He asked, taking my wand out of my hand and looking at it.

"Yes, you can do magic without wands, of course, see?" I pointed my hand toward a candle sitting on my dresser and concentrated. After a moment it flew into my hand. "But most witches and wizards cannot focus their abilities to such a wide scale. A wand is, by far, the most powerful way to cast magic." I searched around for a couple more minutes before remembering, quite unfortunately, that my photos were all at James'. I sighed, trying to decide if I should go get them now or let him keep them. Tyler, as if he knew what I was thinking about, spoke up.

"Do you have any pictures?" He asked, not looking at me, but poking and prodding my cauldrons and levels.

"Not here." I said as simply as possible. He looked up at me curiously.

"Where are they?"

"At James'. I left them there when I moved. I couldn't find them and I was in a hurry so I left them." I explained quickly. Tyler answered with an "Ohh…" I looked at my watch, it was only 2 o'clock and Aurors hours were until 6. "I still have my key though… I could go get them. He won't be back from work until 6:30 or so. I can go pop over there and grab it if you want."

"Can I go with you?" He asked, starting to stand up. I hesitated. Did I want to show Tyler the place where I lived with James? I mean, I was definitely still completely in love with him. Nothing had changed at all. I couldn't see myself with anyone but him.

"I guess… he won't be home so it shouldn't be a problem. We're going to have to apparate though, the house is quite a ways away from here."

"I thought you said-" Of course, he remembered that bit earlier about it being illegal. I might as well be blunt with him.

"I lied. It's been a long time since I've done it. I was afraid I might screw up." I stood up next to him and held my arm out to him. "It's very strange the first time you do it. I threw up. You'll definitely never have experienced anything like it." He looked a bit skeptical for a second but then nodded. "Alright then, grab my arm." And he did. I closed my eyes and focused on the park outside of James' house. I knew I couldn't apparate inside, the defenses were probably up. And, with a loud crack, we were gone, and a moment later we were standing next to the old light post visible outside of my old window. I turned and looked at Tyler, who looked frightened. "You ok?" I reached out to him, he doubled over slight and smacked my hand away before holding up one figured. And then puked. I took out my wand and cleared it up. "Just like I said." I almost laughed as I rubbed his back. He had his hands on his knees and was breathing hard. After a moment he rightened himself.

"That was… the worst form of transportation I've ever experienced."

"Well, you better get used to it. We have to get home somehow and my fireplace isn't hooked up to the Floo network…" I started rambling. I grabbed his hand, promising to let him brush his teeth once we go in the house. I started heading towards the gate at the driveway in front of us. I looked at the house. It was much too large. It belonged to James' parents and had been in the family for generations. I walked up to the gate and held my wand up to it. It opened quickly.

"Lily, you used to live here?" Tyler asked, in shock. The old house looked more like a manor or a mansion. I nodded and told him about James' lineage as we walked up the long pebbled drive way to the large, and very extravagant, French doors. I took out my old key and unlocked the door and then put my wand against the wood and repeated the charms I used to use on a daily basis.

"Since we're Aurors and James' family is one of the most famous in the wizarding world, we had to put more than just a lock and key protection around the house. A simple lock would do nothing against any wizard trying to break in." As soon as I opened the door a fresh wave of memories came over me. It smelled the same, somewhat like vanilla and nothing had been moved. Tyler and I walked in and I let him gap at the splendor. "We were going to move. This place isn't us at all, too big, you know. We couldn't just sell the it though… with Bitsy still living here, the house elf. She would have been heartbroken and God forbid we let her go. I don't know if she would have survived it. After James' parents died… the summer after we graduated, I moved here to be with James… along with Sirius and Remus, his best friends. But Sirius insists on taking care of himself and Remus… well, he couldn't bring himself to impose." I trailed my hand on the dark stained banister. Tyler was still doing slow circles around the foyer. He looked at me for a moment.

"Who's Bitsy? That's an odd name."

"She's the Potter Family's house elf. Kind of like a maid and cook. I'd like for you to meet her, where ever she is. She's very old, you see, she might not have heard the door open." I explained. Tyler nodded. I suddenly remembered why we were here. I pulled Tyler with me and we made our way to the second floor and into the Eastern Wing of the house. I stopped outside of my old bedroom door. I secretly prayed that it would be presentable. "If the album is anywhere it's in here… or the living room. I kept it in my closet but when I left I couldn't find it." I opened the door and peaked in, it was clean. Thank Merlin. I stepped inside awkwardly and gestured about the room. "And this was my room…" It was simple compared to the rest of the house. The furniture was plain, no antiques, and the walls were decorated for Gryffindor. We never moved into the master bedroom, it didn't feel right. Besides, this room was bigger than my parents room at my house.

I made my way towards the closet, hoping to get out of there as fast as possible. Tyler stood next to the dresser by the door. The dresser with James' pictures on it… On the walls there were pictures of the Puddlemere United and Gryffindor posters. The kid in James never was able to take them down. I turned my back towards Tyler and walked into the gigantic closet. Half of it was still empty… I glanced around quickly for the book and didn't see it. I pulled out my wand and tried to summon it. Nothing. I sighed in frustration and walked back out of the closet. Tyler was standing there, now, holding a picture in his hands. I felt my stomach lurch. There were pictures of James and me everywhere in our room. I walked up to him and gently took the picture from him. Naturally, it was one of the two of us. We were standing beside the lake at Hogwarts. It was Christmas and James had just given me my present, I remembered it to be his mother's necklace. I had jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. His armed were looped around my waist, holding me up. We were kissing. It was my favorite picture, everything from the sun setting in the back ground to my outfit, my Gryffindor scarf and white sweater, my favorite jeans, and snow boots, were perfect. I coughed nervously.

"This was back at school… at Christmas of our last year." And I set the picture back down. "The album wasn't in there. I'm going to call Bitsy and see if she has it somewhere. I took out my wand again a couple of sparks out. Bitsy appeared almost immediately.

"Misses Lily! I was having no ideas that you were here!" Bitsy said, dipping into a bow. Somehow, a long time ago, the Potters had convinced her to wear a little red and gold dress that she still wore every day. She looked a smidge older but overall fine. I smiled at her.

"I just got in." Bitsy looked at Tyler and back at me. "Oh! Bitsy, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is Bitsy." Tyler looked alarmed at meeting such a small and odd looking creature but tried to take it in stride by nodding and smiling politely.

"Was Misses Lily hoping to find Master James?" She asked, staring at me with her huge brown tennis ball eyes.

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to bother him at work I was actually hoping to find-"

"Master James is not working Misses Lily. He has been on a task for Dumbledore. He should be home soon though Misses Lily." My eyes opened wide and I suddenly felt very rushed. James could not come home to find me looking around with my new boyfriend. That would be… incredibly rude.

"Oh, in that case… we should be leaving. But first I was hoping you knew where my old photo album is. It was in the closet but now it's gone."

"Oh! Bitsy knows exactly where Master James is keeping it. It is being in Master James' office on his book shelves. Please Misses Lily, let Bitsy go gets it for you." She grinned her toothy grin as I nodded and she was gone with a crack. I looked at Tyler, who seemed at a loss for words.

"House elves are… unique. They take no greater pleasure than working as a slave. They will not take money and they are only happy when they are working." I tried to explain. "The Potters always treated Bitsy well. She has her own room and everything, which is more than most House elves can say." Tyler nodded.

"I just wasn't expecting… that." I smiled at him.

"I was shocked the first time I saw a house elf too." And with another crack Bitsy was back.

"Here you go Misses Lily." I looked at the old soft blue photo album and smiled. Everything from the year I was born to the year I left London was in here. I took the book from her boney fingers and thanked her.

"Well, we must be going. I thought of leaving a note for James but I doubt he'll even know it's gone." Bitsy jumped up and corrected me.

"Begging your pardon Misses Lily but Master James will know it is gone. He keep it on his office desk, you see. And he like to flips through it at nights sometimes. Master James misses you very much Misses Lily… or else he would not have moved it from your room." Bitsy bowed down apologetically. I blushed and looked away from Tyler. I could tell he was frowning, even from my distance.

"Is that so?" I murmured as quietly as I could. Bitsy was suddenly very excited.

"Oh yes Misses Lily! Master Potter has never been the same since you left! Perhaps, since you are coming back now, things will being almost like there were!" I bushed again.

"I don't believe I'm coming back Bitsy. I just wanted to pick up a few things. I'm staying at my parents house until… the funeral." I swallowed hard.

"Begging your pardon Misses Lily! Bitsy did not mean to upset you!" She gasped and began banging her head on the dresser.

"Bitsy please! Don't! It's perfectly alright… now, Tyler and I must be going. Thank you so much for getting me my pictures." I grabbed Tyler's hand and steered him to the door. "Tell James I just stopped by to get a few things." We climbed down the stairs and were almost to the front door when I heard it. The swooshing of the fire in the living room. I whispered a couple of obscenities and half sprinted to the front door. Tyler rushed a long beside me, sensing the urgency. I'm sure he didn't want to be caught in James' house either, from the unpleasant meeting they had yesterday. Now, I could only pray Bitsy won't go to him and tell him I was there.

"Master James! You will never have guessed who is here!" Bitsy half squealed "Misses Lily!" I had opened the door and closed it when I heard James ask, quite surprised, where I was. I kept Tyler's hand and ran down the steps and across the front yard and out the gate in a matter of seconds.

"I'm going to apparate again. Don't be surprised." I spun around back towards the door and grasped Tyler's hand, panic written all over my face. Right as we disappeared I caught the sight of James, looking disheveled, standing right outside the door. He had both his hands grasping at his hair and his eyes bugging out of his head. I blinked and he was gone.

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Alright guys! Reviews make me write faster… hint hint J I hope the stories ok… let me know any ways I could improve it… but be nice about it.

Thanks!

PS. Whoever can guess what musicals the titles are named after gets a brownie point!


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